"The market is bad."
"99% of businesses fail."
"Men always cheat; true love doesn’t exist."
"Money is hard to come by."
"People only look up to you if you drive a nice car and wear a luxury watch."
These statements are everywhere, spoken and defended as though they’re universal truths. But like I shared in 1/10 Lessons of 2024, it took me a while to realize I do have the power to decide whether or not I want to subscribe to these narratives.
Am I going to swing open the doors to my brain and say, “Oh hey, come in and get comfy!” to these negative thoughts? Or am I going to stand firm and say, “Nope. You’re not welcome here. It’s my mind, my rules.”
When I first stumbled upon this realization, I felt frustrated and overwhelmed. It wasn’t the “Whoa, have I been living life all wrong?” kind of frustration. It was the “Wait, I can’t complain anymore?!” kind. I couldn’t help but think, WTF, why is everyone else living their lives normally while I’m over here trying to hold my tongue and control my thoughts?
That little ego of mine was furious, feeling as though it had been locked in a cage. It takes a lot of hardcore practice, especially in a world where we’re conditioned to think worst-case scenarios are the default. Complaints and bad news have become society’s language, and choosing a different mindset often feels like swimming upstream.
Thankfully, I have a few close friends who share this belief. We consciously hold each other accountable and, yes, we’re brutally honest when one of us starts thinking, acting, or behaving out of fear. We always joke that if someone read our chat history, they’d probably think we’re completely nuts or from another planet.
Food for thought: what do you actually want in life? Go plant your seed there. Good luck!
Saturday, December 21, 2024
Have you ever felt, “Why does life seem to get heavier and heavier as we grow?”
Some might say it’s because of the commitments and responsibilities we bear at work and in life. But I beg to differ. I believe the weight comes from within our minds rather than from what’s physically out there.
I came across a spiritual podcast where the host said something that completely blew my mind: “If something didn’t exist the very second you came into this world, then it’s not the truth. Everything else that came after is just other people’s beliefs that you LET into your system.”
Take a look at these examples:
- If you’re not a university graduate, you’re a failure.
(Is this as absolute as the law of gravity? There are countless people who achieve success without going to university. Then again, what’s the real definition of success?) - Don’t double-text someone—it makes you look cheap and always available. People don’t value someone like that.
(Couldn’t it just be that it slipped their mind? You don’t have to assign such a negative meaning to others’ actions, let alone default to viewing yourself in such a low position.) - Rich people are all evil and greedy—they probably got their wealth through shady means.
(Is this true for every single rich person in existence?)
I could list countless examples, but take a moment to think about this. What other beliefs have you been carrying in various aspects of your life without ever questioning them?
In a nutshell, the truth is simply what I choose to believe is true.
What do other people say, think, or feel? LET THEM. Ultimately, everything boils down to a personal choice—not a matter of right or wrong. And that’s how I started to truly not take most things personally. I'm still learning to get better at this!
The result? This year, for the first time in my life, I feel the least amount of anxiety. And for the first time, I can look in the mirror and tell myself, “Hey Fion, you’re not bad at all!” Because I no longer carry the destructive ideas that others try to impose on me.
In my reality, only what I think, feel, do, or say matters.
On the flip side, if people choose to take my words personally and twist their meaning, my favourite response is: “I can’t help you if you choose to think that way. But you’re right, so go ahead!”
I strive to be so confident in who I am, on my own terms, that no one’s opinions, praise, or criticism—nor things, events, or circumstances—can shake me.
Thursday, December 19, 2024
It’s the end of the day. You’re lying in bed. The lights are off. The day flew by so fast. You can’t even remember what you did.
I was texting a friend on WhatsApp. She asked, “How was your day?”
That’s when it hit me. I couldn’t remember what I did in the afternoon. I didn’t even know what I had for breakfast. I've always known that I’m not very productive in the afternoons, especially between 2 and 4 p.m, but not having the faintest idea is not good at all. I started asking myself, Is this how I always spend my time?
Time and money feel similar to me. When I spend money on cute stuff at Daiso, at least I get something tangible. But with time? Once it’s gone, there’s nothing to show for it. *argh*
I’ve always been a planner girl. Even though I use Notion a lot now, I still keep a hardcover journal. Sometimes, writing things down just feels better than typing. There’s something magical about good old pen and paper!
Before, I followed a simple bullet journal method. I would list tasks, appointments, and reminders for the day. But sometimes, looking at that long list was overwhelming. Too many little tasks all piled up. Some people say, “Don’t write down every tiny detail of your life.” But if I don’t, I forget them. Simple tasks like vacuuming the floor, cleaning my diffuser, or changing my hamster’s sand bath often slip my mind.
So, I grabbed my journal and created a new template. I hope it helps you too ☺
I also added a column for tracking meals. I’ve been snacking way too much lately, and I want to cut back. It’s time to get back on track with healthier habits.
P.S.: Remember to always count your wins, no matter how small they are! I’m also practicing being mindful of all the good things in life because where you put your awareness is what you will attract more of into your life!
Let’s test this out in the final month of 2024. It’s great to have big goals, but I also want to start small and tweak things as I go. So far, it’s been 5 days into December, and I’m loving this new mini system.
Wednesday, December 4, 2024
I used to be a cappuccino girl. But then COVID-19 happened.
Without access to an espresso machine, I reluctantly switched to black coffee, thinking it was just a temporary adjustment. Little did I know, there would be no turning back. Black coffee has since become my go-to: it's simpler, saves money and calories, and requires only a few pour-over tools.
Yet, despite my newfound habit of brewing hand-pour coffee, I never appreciated it as an art. To me, the process felt like a chore. Waiting for the water to drip through the filter and grinding the beans seemed tedious. My constant thought was, "Ain’t nobody got time for this." As long as the coffee was drinkable, why bother being so particular about the details? Not to mention, the act of pouring water and watching it drip was unbearable. All in all, I was just restless.
But something changed after I stumbled upon a documentary titled Exploring the Unknown, featuring Chinese celebrity Wang Yibo. While I’m not a fan, I enjoyed his character in The Untamed, which is based on a novel by one of my favourite authors. In the documentary, he embarked on a wild, adventurous journey through forests, caves, and even underwater. It was rugged and raw, yet amidst it all, he had his hand-pour coffee kit.
Despite the harsh conditions and limited resources, he insisted on brewing himself a good cup of coffee every morning. He spoke about how making coffee was a ritual—a moment of calm he carved out of his hectic schedule. It was just a passing comment about his routine, but it struck me deeply.
"Look at him," I thought. "He’s an A-list celebrity with a packed schedule, yet he takes the time to make himself a proper cup of pour-over coffee. And here I am, acting like I’m too busy—as if I’m the President or something!"
That’s when it hit me: the problem wasn’t the coffee-making process. It was me. I had become so restless, so detached from the present moment, that even small tasks like brewing coffee felt like an ordeal. My constant excuse of"I don’t have the time" was just a cover for how little peace and focus I had in my life. I craved instant gratification, a habit that had spiralled to unhealthy levels.
Recognizing this, I reached out to a friend who happens to be an award-winning barista. I spent half of my Sunday in the café that he works at, learning the proper way to brew a good cup of pour-over coffee. To my surprise, I discovered that the entire process, when done correctly, takes less than five minutes. Five minutes! A tinyyyyy fraction of the time I waste mindlessly scrolling on my phone.
That said, I’m far from perfect at making a good pour-over coffee. But I’ve noticed that this simple ritual has brought a sense of gratitude and mindfulness to my day. It’s a small change, yet it’s shown me that “life can be good in such a simple manner.”
Thursday, November 21, 2024
I have been trying to keep three books on rotation lately just to add a little more variety to my day-to-day. It’s my first time doing this because, usually, I'm that person who needs to finish one book before even thinking about starting another. But ever since I heard this suggestion from a YouTuber (either Kalyn Nicholson or Jenn Im—I can’t remember which), I thought I’d give it a go.
Right now, my reading list is pretty diverse. I have 3 books on rotation - a Chinese fantasy novel, The Art of Sun Tzu (ngl, this gets kinda dry at times and it's lengthy), and I just finished The Comfort Book by Matt Haig.
That last one felt like a gentle hug in the form of words. Haig's reflections are simple but powerful reminders of resilience, compassion, and taking life moment by moment. So, I thought I’d share a few of my favourite quotes from The Comfort Book with you all, hoping they bring a bit of light and peace to your day.
♠ Things weren’t always one thing or another thing. They were sometimes both.
♠ We are more than can be measured. We are life itself. We aren’t the narrow band of feelings in a single moment. We are the vessel that could contain any feeling. We are the subject in the sentence. We are more than the sum of our achievements. We are more than the feelings we witness. We are the infinity that remains when you subtract them.
♠ Stay for the person you will become.
♠ When we can’t speak, we can write. When we can’t write, we can read. When we can’t read, we can listen. Words are seeds. Language is a way back to life.
♠ It’s easy to be surrounded so entirely by a single view that almost anyone without that view becomes alien. But. We can look at the world through more than one lens. If we look at people through the lens of emotion, at the feelings that drive opinions, rather than the opinions themselves.
♠ The most powerful moment in life is when you decide not to be scared anymore.
Thursday, November 14, 2024
Lately, I’ve been feeling like I’ve hit a plateau in content creation.
Honestly, ever since I started working full-time, and especially now that writing’s my main gig, I’ve kind of lost that spark for writing just for myself. (I’ll admit, it’s probably just an excuse.)
When I first began sharing my life online, there wasn’t all this talk about cracking the algorithm’s code, defining content pillars, or targeting specific audiences. Maybe those things were there back then, but I was innocently ignorant. The more I learned about "doing it right," the more it started feeling like a checklist—one I had to tick off, weighed down by numbers and ROI. And somewhere along the way, that initial love for writing online just... faded.
In 2012, I started this blog for two reasons: one, I was bored, and two, I couldn’t afford an external hard drive, so I needed somewhere to store my photos. I treated it like an online diary, filling it with pieces of my life. This space always felt like a reflection of who I am—the way I write mirrors how I talk in real life, from my tone and word choice to my (sometimes) opinionated nature. I think I express myself better in writing than in speaking. It’s as if the words just flow more freely when I’m typing than when I’m trying to say them aloud. I started with no real goals other than to capture moments and, maybe, if I was lucky, connect with a few people along the way.
I want to find that feeling again. That pure, innocent intention sparked my journey and, unexpectedly, opened doors to opportunities I never could’ve imagined. I don’t want to confuse the cause-and-effect anymore—I truly believe that life comes full circle, and we should trust the path we’re on. And let’s not forget, when we stay in the "flow," that’s when good things tend to manifest effortlessly.
I think I’m on a journey to find something in life, though I’m not entirely sure what it is just yet. For now, maybe I’ll discover it through mindful documentation—training my eyes to notice the tiniest moments that spark joy, my heart to feel more deeply, and my mind to romanticise the fleeting beauty of life’s everyday encounters. Life is a series of moments that come and go so quickly, and we ourselves are but a brief existence in the grand scheme of things. In the end, all we really have are the words and photos that tell the story of our lives and say, “I lived.”
Sometimes I think about how incredible it would be to flip through my online diary one day, maybe when I’m lying on my deathbed, and smile as I look back on it—thinking, "Ah, this is how it all went." And hopefully, by then, I’ll have no regrets, able to pat myself on the back and say, "You’ve lived well."
And maybe, just maybe, that’s the whole point.
Sunday, November 10, 2024
People love to say, "Old habits die hard." But honestly? I disagree. That phrase is often a crutch we use to avoid the discomfort of change. It’s a defence mechanism, a way to justify staying stagnant when deep down, we know change is necessary.
And trust me, I’m not sitting here on a high horse, calling anyone out. This was me too—stuck in patterns I didn’t even realize were holding me back. But over the last few months, I’ve started asking myself tougher questions, confronting (demonic) thoughts I hadn’t wanted to face.
Let’s be real for a second. How many of us spend our days worrying about what others are doing, thinking, or saying? And how often do we pause and reflect on what’s going on inside our own heads? I used to be that person, always speculating about someone else's actions, rather than facing my own inner struggles.
But something shifted this year. I realized that the most important work I can do is within myself. Let me give you some small examples.
On days when I think, "I’m too tired to work out", I’ve started asking myself, "Am I really tired, or am I just going to lay in bed and scroll through Instagram?" Spoiler alert: I’m usually just being lazy. So instead of giving in, I make a deal with myself: "Get up, and just do 10 minutes." Usually, once I start, those 10 minutes turn into 20 or 30, because if I’m already committing to washing my hair afterwards, I might as well make it worth it!
Another big revelation for me this year was learning to stop interpreting other people’s actions as personal attacks. You know how we do that? Someone doesn’t text you back for a few days, and immediately, your mind starts spiralling: "She’s ignoring me." or "There she goes again, acting like a bitch!" But here’s the truth—it’s almost never about you. Most people aren’t scheming or plotting against you; they’re just living their lives, caught up in their own stuff.
I used to be that person, assuming the worst and taking things personally. But one day, while I was venting to a friend about someone not responding to me, she asked a question that changed my perspective: “Why do you want to make yourself a victim by default?”
That hit me hard. Why was I so quick to victimize myself? Why did I automatically assume someone was out to hurt me? Why was I so obsessed with envisioning things going wrong instead of rainbows and unicorns? Call me delusional, but according to the law of attraction, the more you focus on something, the more likely it is to manifest in your life—and I definitely do not want to subscribe to that service!
Tuesday, October 1, 2024
I wasn’t ready for it to be a book on psychology.
This book, written by a Korean woman named Baek Hee, explores her struggles through life, caught in a cycle of ups, downs, and mood swings. At some point, she finally decides enough is enough and plucks up the courage to take herself off to therapy. The book consists of a series of chapters, with lengthy dialogues between the writer and her therapist.
While looking through Goodreads for reviews of this book, I saw many people complaining about it being harsh and mean towards people with mental health issues, and how many issues were glossed over lightly.
I agree, but I also disagree.
I think this book is not something you read to relax or just for some light, comforting “chicken soup” for the soul. You won’t grasp its essence unless you take the time to dive deep into the conversations between Baek Hee and her therapist, while applying the lessons to your own life, stories, and experiences. It’s a book of self-reflection rather than one you read solely from a third-person point of view. Here are the useful points I picked out from the book, which made me start being aware of how I was looking at and analyzing certain circumstances.
I personally think this is the whole reason for reading a book. There are no badly written books or poorly told stories, to be honest – only less effective methods of conveying a message or crafting a narrative. There is a lesson in everything, including a so-called bad book or bad story.
Try viewing this book as a set of suggestions, rather than a do-it-this-way-or-you-will-be-forever-depressed guide. It calls for building the practice of mindfulness.
♠ When you’re having a hard time, it’s natural to feel like you’re having the hardest time in the world. And it’s not selfish to feel that way.
♠ Your perception of reality is so polarised and extreme. you’re only able to see within the framework of ‘Everything about us is the same’ or ‘Everything about us is different.’
♠ You should try to stop yourself from reflexively falling back on thinking patterns you normally default to.
♠ I don’t think it’s a problem that needs fixing. It’s all a matter of how you see yourself.
♠ You’ve got to stop falling into the binary trap of thinking you’re either all-ordinary or all-special. ‘Good’ and ‘bad’ are not the only ways we think in black and white.
♠ Your emptiness and fear are all mixed up, and you’re asking for help to defend yourself. But if you depend on another person for help, it’ll satisfy you only for a moment, and you may not be able to stand on your own two feet later.
♠ Do you think every behaviour falls into a category of, ‘They did this because they hate me’ or ‘They did this because they like me’? The whole point of not liking your friend’s behaviour means you don’t like her behaviour, not your friend as a person. But right now, you keep interpreting every behaviour exhibited by your friend as rejection. Your mind immediately goes to the most extreme explanation instead of stopping to think of the many other reasons your friend could be doing what she’s doing. You keep applying these extreme standards to others. In effect, it’s your own thoughts that are torturing you. Learn to differentiate the parts from the whole. Just because you like one thing about a person, you don’t need to like everything about them. And just because you don’t like one thing about a person, it doesn’t mean the person as a whole isn’t worth your time. I think you should get in the habit of thinking differently.
♠ Love comes in different shapes, and I shouldn’t judge someone else’s love by my own standards.
♠ Many people think they’re the foremost authority on themselves, but you should be more sceptical. You’ve got to ask yourself, ‘Do I really know myself well?’
♠ Your very real problem is that you bring this same judgmental attitude on yourself.
♠ No one was looking down on me except myself.
♠ I feel like I talk about the same problem every time. And you always give me the same answers. I don’t change myself, which is why the same problems keep coming up.
♠ Your perspective of yourself is so narrow and self-critical that you’re unable to see things from a wider perspective, and so you goad yourself into choosing just one angle, which is the easiest way out.
♠ I hope you will listen to a certain overlooked and different voice within you. Because the human heart, even when it wants to die, quite often wants at the same time to eat some tteokbokki, too.
♠ Meeting someone who moves your heart, writing something until it moves the hearts of others, listening to music and watching movies that depict love–I want to always be motivated by love. If pure rationality keeps forcing itself into the spaces in between, I shall lose the shine and comfort of my life–which is why I want to be an emotionally bright person, even if it means becoming impoverished in terms of rationality. I want to hold hands and march with those who feel similarly to me.
♠ I often look for books that are like medicine, that fit my situation and my thoughts, and I read them over and over again until the pages are tattered, underlining everything, and still the book will have something to give me. Books never tire of me. And in time they present a solution, quietly waiting until I am fully healed. That’s one of the nicest things about books.
Saturday, August 3, 2024
Bauman dives into how consumerism has overshadowed the old-school work ethic, with his historical and philosophical take on it. This book is not an easy read because it can feel a bit dry and like you're reading someone’s lengthy thesis.
Bauman begins by discussing how the work ethic became significant during industrialization. In the past, people valued their "workmanship" and preferred leisure over unnecessary labour. But industrial times demanded a different attitude. Factory owners wanted to make workers dependent on them, and with a little help from the government, they pushed for a complete societal shift. Artisans were left out in the cold as factory work became the new norm.
Fast forward to today, and we've shifted from a society of producers to a society of consumers. Satisfaction isn't the goal anymore; it's all about the thrill of wanting more, sugar-coated as a motivation to hustle harder. In the past, your class determined your identity, but now, you build it yourself through the choices you make in the marketplace. More choices mean more freedom, right? Well, not exactly. This so-called freedom is just another illusion created by market forces.
Living in a consumer society means we detest having our choices limited, so we gravitate towards deregulation and neoliberalism. Work, devoid of any real joy, loses its value; and come payday, you’d simply spend your hard-earned money on unnecessary expenditures. Does that imply that the time and effort invested in work are all in vain? To fill the jobs nobody wants, we recreate a survival scenario, but this time, there's no noble work ethic to cling to. Instead, the poor are viewed as inadequate consumers. Society no longer feels the need to uplift them but rather blames them for their situation, branding them as an irredeemable "underclass."
Bauman’s empathy for the poor shines through. They're often labelled as lazy, but he shows they're actually victims of a broken system. Work ethics, Bauman argues, were invented to force people into factory jobs and now serve to blame the unemployed for their plight. With globalization, local governments can't do much to help since capital moves freely across borders. Modern society deals with the poor by marginalizing, criminalizing, and segregating them. They're not seen as potential workers anymore but as failures in the consumer game.
One of Bauman’s more optimistic ideas is universal basic income, something C. Offe also talks about. This would shift our focus from employment to basic rights and protections. But even Bauman knows this solution is a bit too optimistic, given the power of global capital.
Reading "Work, Consumerism and the New Poor" is quite a rollercoaster. Bauman sometimes suggests that work ethics were a grand conspiracy, which seems like a stretch without solid proof. Personally, I'd prefer to see it as a collective societal belief disguised as the norm, rather than a brainwashing tactic used by capitalists. Perhaps to some extent it is, but ultimately, it comes down to whether individuals would simply accept and believe in this belief.
Given that this book was written almost 20 years ago, some parts feel dated, but its message still resonates strongly. Consumerism has only sunk its claws deeper into our lives. Consider this: from housing to healthcare to our daily routines, systems are designed to extract every last penny from us. We're essentially primed to compete for the top, leveraging our education and careers, yet often find ourselves ensnared by rising costs. Consequently, our lives become a ceaseless pursuit of better homes, better cars, and so forth. It's a cycle of chasing bigger, better, and higher price tags, often with more debts piled on.
This book makes it clear that our societal structures are choices, even when they feel like inescapable traps. So it comes full circle: when it's all about choices, what are you choosing for yourself? Because nobody is pointing a gun at your head. There is no black or white, good or wrong within this equation. It’s about where one’s personal values lie. Having previously worked in the retail banking industry for two years has definitely taught me a valuable lesson on this— one’s bank accounts and transactions often speak volumes more about them than the words that come out of their mouths.
"Work, Consumerism and the New Poor" peels back the layers of consumer society, exposing the harsh realities beneath. Bauman's insights into consumerism and the marginalization of the poor are still relevant, pushing us to rethink what we value and how we define success. "Work, Consumerism and the New Poor" peels back the layers of consumer society, exposing the harsh realities beneath. Bauman's insights into consumerism and the marginalization of the poor remain relevant, urging us to reconsider what we value and how we define success.
I wouldn’t recommend this book as a must-read for everyone because, as mentioned, getting through the entire book consumed a lot of focused energy from my end due to its lengthy narrations. Unless you are truly interested in the history of economics, I think a practical takeaway I could share with anyone (even those who are not that financially savvy) is to be conscious of why and where you are spending your money. Remember, there is no right or wrong judgment here; it’s all about your choices and how aware you are of your true intentions behind them. Simple and straightforward.