I was so fed up with feeling unfulfilled and lost, like I was wandering aimlessly through nearly every aspect of my life. I kept chasing the idea of becoming my "ideal self," constantly learning and pushing, but it felt like chasing my own tail, spiralling deeper and deeper into a rabbit hole. (P.S.: You can read more about this here)

Eventually, I hit a point where I started asking myself: “Why haven’t I figured this out yet?” I had devoured countless books, listened to endless podcasts, and sought advice from people who seemed to have it all together. And yet, I still had no idea where I was headed.

Contrary to popular belief, I no longer subscribe to the idea of hard work.

Before you label me as twisted, hear me out. I’m not trying to argue whether hard work guarantees success or laziness leads to failure. This isn’t about debating philosophies; it’s about reflecting on a habit - or perhaps a belief system - that many of us have unconsciously adopted.

For years, I was a proud member of the hustle culture. I took pride in saying, “I’m busy, I have no time, my schedule is packed, I’m so stressed, and I need to work harder.” These words felt validating as if they were proof of my ambition and worth.

But looking back, I see how toxic that mindset was—how much it weighed me down.

So, what changed? What made me question the glorification of hustle, stress and busyness?

The epiphany came unexpectedly while watching interviews of Jung YongHwa, a Korean singer I’ve admired since I was 17. During one of his interviews, he said something that hit me hard: among all the excuses in the world, the worst is, “I have no time.”

When I heard that line, I immediately thought "that's why I still love this guy so much after all these years". 

Yes, his talent is undeniable. But it’s way more than that! He’s always bubbly, energetic, charismatic and optimistic. He just emits an aura and shines from the inside out! As the leader of CNBlue, a solo artist, a songwriter, a composer, and a multi-instrumentalist, he also finds time to pursue hobbies like golf, surfing, and boxing, all while hitting the gym nearly daily.

When asked how he manages to do it all, his response was disarmingly simple: “I rest when I want to rest, but when I have things to do, I get them done.”

I realised the negative labels I wore as badges of honour (my self-proclaimed stress, exhaustion, and busyness) were actually holding me back. My Apple calendar felt overwhelming before the week even began. My to-do lists looked like mountains I dreaded climbing.

People often talk about the “flow state,” but you don’t need a full moon, lavender incense, or 1,000 affirmations to find it. You just need to show up, focus on one thing at a time, and get it done.

Here’s what I’ve learned: you don’t need to label yourself or your tasks with unnecessary weight. Stop equating stress with success or busyness with worth. Most of the time, when you start, you’ll realize the task isn’t as intimidating as you thought. (Link to my tip on controlling oneself)

So who was I trying to impress by claiming, “I work 15 hours a day” or, “I’m a hustler”? No one but my own ego which constantly craved validation and attention.

Then again, if I am constantly feeling burnt out, I think the bigger, golden question is, “Is my system working?” Be it a work system, life system, or belief system, what could I do to improve its efficiency and effectiveness? That, I believe, is the right direction for the so-called “hard work” to go.

Another important thought to consider: If you keep focusing on hard work and identifying yourself as someone who is always stressed, busy, and tired, wouldn’t you end up manifesting more of that into your life? Personally, I’d rather choose an easier and lazier path by removing that label for good.

Today, I approach my responsibilities differently. I simply do what needs to be done (work/my useless hobbies/side projects), one thing at a time. To me, completing tasks isn’t about proving anything, so there’s no need to call it hard work, it’s just living.

*shrugs* 

I heard something interesting in a YouTube video recently. This guy said, “A lot of us are news anchors for the wrong news station, all day.”

What he meant was that we constantly narrate our days, our stress, and our situations by replaying them in our heads or describing them to others, as if we’re reporting live. For example, you get home, start cooking dinner, and find yourself replaying the day in your mind. Then, as you eat, you’re still narrating it, or maybe you call a friend and recount the whole thing, blow by blow. Straight-up news anchor behaviour.

Now, I have to admit, even though I’ve worked on staying composed and letting fewer things get under my skin (as I mentioned back in Lesson #3 of 2024), when something really upsets me, I fall into this trap. Guilty as charged.

I’m lucky to have a few amazing girl gangs I text regularly, even though I’m a total homebody. But here’s the thing: I end up telling them everything about my life. One by one, respectively. And each time I retell the story, I narrate it like a news anchor, adding all the drama and emotions I felt in the moment. By the time I’ve shared it 38 times, hours, days, or even weeks have passed, yet I’m still clinging to that event like it just happened.

What I didn’t realise before is that this habit is a form of self-intoxication.

If you’ve heard Blackpink’s Rosé talk about the inspiration behind her latest album, she mentioned something similar. She had a toxic ex, and for the longest time, she couldn’t stop talking about that person, even though she was the one deeply hurt. At least she made millions out of her album by channelling her pain into music. What do I get? Bad vibes. Period.

I’ve started observing this pattern in others, too. I know people who still talk about their childhood traumas, their awful bosses, or how someone wronged them years ago. And honestly, it feels so normal in conversations. Sharing stories is what we do, right? What’s the alternative? Meeting up with friends and chanting, “Everything is perfect in my life,” and calling it a day?

But the more I thought about it, the more it made me pause. I decided to sit down and make a list of the things that truly triggered me to my core this year. Not the small stuff I could brush off with a quick "WTF" and a frown or a pathetic laugh, but the moments that stuck with me. 

Thankfully, the list wasn’t as long as it used to be, but even so, looking at it made me cringe. It was like facing a mirror reflecting all the rotten and zombified emotional baggage I hadn’t let go of. Yuck.

The good news? I vow to catch myself faster now. I’m quitting this news anchor job.

Some might say, “You forgive but don’t forget.” But to me, it’s all a choice. If you forgive but don’t forget, isn’t that just lingering residue from refusing to bury the hatchet?

(Food for thought: Is your brain trying to protect you by automatically replaying the worst-case scenario you’re still clinging to? Let’s put that under the bridge, flush it down the toilet, or whatever works—maybe this post could help.)

Trust me, I get it. It’s not easy, especially with big, traumatising or infuriating events. I’ve personally gone through some that took years to overcome, and I’m still working on a few right now. But I believe it’s a practice. Sealing and expunging bad memories, burying them for good—that's a skill I’m determined to get better at over time.

Here’s to one step closer to becoming my ideal perfect self, who, by the way, happens to be an anime character: Xie Lian ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ (Read part 3 here to know the full story.)

PS: I just made a new background for my phone. That’s Xie Lian with a Chinese idiom, “海纳百川,” which means the sea can accommodate a hundred rivers, symbolizing an immense capacity for tolerance and inclusiveness. To me, it means that if I could simply accept what has happened, I could let it go, rather than trying to convince myself to be "the bigger person," pretending it didn’t hurt in the first place, or struggling to forgive or forget. Also, because pretending something doesn’t matter is tough, I’m too lazy to spend my energy on that! So, this is IMHO the easier way out. By striving to be as broad as the sea, I remain open to all possibilities - events, people, things, circumstances, and outcomes - without letting them sway me. 

For the longest time, I found myself chasing the elusive idea of self-love. 

Online, I’d scroll through images of "IT girls" at 7 a.m., fresh from pilates, dressed in Lululemon, with perfectly manicured nails and a Stanley cup filled with (maybe) kale juice. 

It all seemed so aspirational—or so I thought. I fell for it, believing this was what self-love looked like.

So, I tried it all (minus the kale juice in a Stanley). But something felt off. It was like wearing shoes a size too small that looked good but didn’t fit me.

When I was a kid, I tried all kinds of hobbies. One day it was video editing; the next, I was learning guitar. But as I grew up, things changed. After finishing university, I became fixated on turning everything I did into an investment. Time, energy, effort—everything had to yield a return. It felt like the right and wise thing to build a career, save money, and figure life out in my 20s. 

This year, I also rediscovered fiction. For years, I avoided novels, thinking they were a waste of time. “Why read fiction when you could watch something or learn from non-fiction?” I thought. But picking up a novel and watching Chinese anime changed my mind. Through these stories, I found a fictional character who became an unexpected role model. That character reshaped how I see myself and the world. It’s funny how the things you least expect can change you the most. (If you’re curious, I shared more about it here. 

And then, there’s this blog. If you’ve been following me, you might know that I lost my passion for writing when it became my job. I’ve shared before how difficult it was to separate writing for work from writing for myself (read the story here). Starting this “10 Lessons of 2024” series initially felt like just another task on my to-do list. But writing these posts has given me a chance to reflect on where I’ve been, what I’ve learned, and where I want to go. I owe this to myself. If even one post resonates with someone, that’s more than enough for me.

There are many things I’ve been doing lately that might seem pointless, but they bring me so much joy. Things like getting a hamster, learning to brew pour-over coffee properly (read that story here), putting on perfume, setting up an essential oil diffuser before bed, and trying out new recipes just for fun.

Here’s what I’ve come to understand: hobbies don’t need a “purpose” or a measurable outcome. Deep down, I think we all crave something more. Our souls yearn for pure, unfiltered joy through things that might not make sense on paper but fill our hearts in ways we can’t explain. They don’t have to make you money, improve your fitness, or enhance your productivity. They just need to remind you what it feels like to truly live. So, do what you love—unapologetically, passionately, and wholeheartedly. 

“How would your ideal self react?” This simple question became my anchor this year.

Every time I asked it, it pulled me out of my emotions and gave me the clarity I needed. It was like stepping out of my own skin and seeing my life from the outside. Suddenly, the chaos felt manageable. I could look at situations without the fog of frustration or hurt clouding my judgment.