3/10 Lessons of 2024: This Question Changed Me!

“How would your ideal self react?” This simple question became my anchor this year.

Every time I asked it, it pulled me out of my emotions and gave me the clarity I needed. It was like stepping out of my own skin and seeing my life from the outside. Suddenly, the chaos felt manageable. I could look at situations without the fog of frustration or hurt clouding my judgment.

I first came across the idea of an alter ego in an old interview with Beyoncé. She talked about creating Sasha Fierce, a fearless and confident persona who empowered her during performances. At the time, I thought it was interesting, but I didn’t explore it further.

It wasn’t until late last year when I felt overwhelmed and stuck in a cycle of overreacting to everything, that the idea resurfaced. I needed a change. I wanted to be better, calmer, and more in control of how I handled life’s challenges.
That’s when I started thinking about my ideal self and what that might look like. I didn’t have a specific person I could call a role model, but I had written a list of traits for this imaginary ideal person I had in my head.

Fast forward a few months, I stumbled across an anime called Heaven’s Official Blessing. The main character, Xie Lian, completely captivated me. He reminded me of everything I aspired to be. He embodied the traits on my list. #manifestation

I’ve watched the animation at least five times, listened to the audio drama just as many, and read the entire novel twice. Yep, I’m a hardcore fan. Xie Lian is like a warm cup of water. He’s kind but never a doormat. Throw anything bad his way, and he’ll face it with a genuine smile and calmly handle the situation. He knows exactly who he is with his pure intentions, his capabilities, and his composure. That self-assuredness makes him humble, gentle, compassionate, and confident without needing outside validation. I wish I could give a better breakdown of his personality, but I swear it could easily turn into a 50000-word thesis. So, this is just an overly summarized explanation of why I love Xie Lian's personality, though it doesn't do him enough justice!

2 minutes of why-I-love-Xie-Lian

I analysed this character thoroughly before concluding that I had found the perfect role model. Then, I began asking myself in tough moments, “How would Xie Lian react?” This simple question helped me pause, take a breath, and choose how to respond to the situation that was stressing me out without being blinded by my personal feelings, which could lead me to react in my old default manner (that's not ideal). At first, it felt odd, but over time, it became easier. The change wasn’t instant or dramatic; it came gradually and so subtly that even now, I’m still surprised when my close friends tell me how much they’ve noticed my growth.

Disclaimer: I’m not claiming to be absolutely perfect. My old habits still creep in occasionally, but the difference now is that I catch myself faster. I remind myself of who I want to be and adjust my response before things spiral out of control.

This practice isn’t complicated. It’s as simple as playing pretend like we all did as kids. Remember when you believed you were a superhero? You didn’t think, “I’ll try to be Spider-Man someday.” You simply acted like Spider-Man, believing spider webs could shoot out of your fingertips right then and there. There was no room for doubt because it was all about blind faith.

It’s the same with this, except now you’re doing it consciously as an adult. And I guess you’d probably want something more meaningful than being a professional web-shooter. But hey, no judgment here!!

So, back to the golden question: Who is the ideal self you want to be? Whether it's a public figure like Elon Musk, Michelle Obama, or Michael Jordan, a virtual character from a novel or anime like mine, or a completely imagined persona in your head (whatever works for you)—just go be that now! It's your ideal person; all you need to do is be honest with yourself and convince yourself to stick with it.