8/10 Lessons of 2024: Water Under the Bridge or Whatever

I heard something interesting in a YouTube video recently. This guy said, “A lot of us are news anchors for the wrong news station, all day.”

What he meant was that we constantly narrate our days, our stress, and our situations by replaying them in our heads or describing them to others, as if we’re reporting live. For example, you get home, start cooking dinner, and find yourself replaying the day in your mind. Then, as you eat, you’re still narrating it, or maybe you call a friend and recount the whole thing, blow by blow. Straight-up news anchor behaviour.

Now, I have to admit, even though I’ve worked on staying composed and letting fewer things get under my skin (as I mentioned back in Lesson #3 of 2024), when something really upsets me, I fall into this trap. Guilty as charged.

I’m lucky to have a few amazing girl gangs I text regularly, even though I’m a total homebody. But here’s the thing: I end up telling them everything about my life. One by one, respectively. And each time I retell the story, I narrate it like a news anchor, adding all the drama and emotions I felt in the moment. By the time I’ve shared it 38 times, hours, days, or even weeks have passed, yet I’m still clinging to that event like it just happened.

What I didn’t realise before is that this habit is a form of self-intoxication.

If you’ve heard Blackpink’s Rosé talk about the inspiration behind her latest album, she mentioned something similar. She had a toxic ex, and for the longest time, she couldn’t stop talking about that person, even though she was the one deeply hurt. At least she made millions out of her album by channelling her pain into music. What do I get? Bad vibes. Period.

I’ve started observing this pattern in others, too. I know people who still talk about their childhood traumas, their awful bosses, or how someone wronged them years ago. And honestly, it feels so normal in conversations. Sharing stories is what we do, right? What’s the alternative? Meeting up with friends and chanting, “Everything is perfect in my life,” and calling it a day?

But the more I thought about it, the more it made me pause. I decided to sit down and make a list of the things that truly triggered me to my core this year. Not the small stuff I could brush off with a quick "WTF" and a frown or a pathetic laugh, but the moments that stuck with me. 

Thankfully, the list wasn’t as long as it used to be, but even so, looking at it made me cringe. It was like facing a mirror reflecting all the rotten and zombified emotional baggage I hadn’t let go of. Yuck.

The good news? I vow to catch myself faster now. I’m quitting this news anchor job.

Some might say, “You forgive but don’t forget.” But to me, it’s all a choice. If you forgive but don’t forget, isn’t that just lingering residue from refusing to bury the hatchet?

(Food for thought: Is your brain trying to protect you by automatically replaying the worst-case scenario you’re still clinging to? Let’s put that under the bridge, flush it down the toilet, or whatever works—maybe this post could help.)

Trust me, I get it. It’s not easy, especially with big, traumatising or infuriating events. I’ve personally gone through some that took years to overcome, and I’m still working on a few right now. But I believe it’s a practice. Sealing and expunging bad memories, burying them for good—that's a skill I’m determined to get better at over time.

Here’s to one step closer to becoming my ideal perfect self, who, by the way, happens to be an anime character: Xie Lian ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ (Read part 3 here to know the full story.)

PS: I just made a new background for my phone. That’s Xie Lian with a Chinese idiom, “海纳百川,” which means the sea can accommodate a hundred rivers, symbolizing an immense capacity for tolerance and inclusiveness. To me, it means that if I could simply accept what has happened, I could let it go, rather than trying to convince myself to be "the bigger person," pretending it didn’t hurt in the first place, or struggling to forgive or forget. Also, because pretending something doesn’t matter is tough, I’m too lazy to spend my energy on that! So, this is IMHO the easier way out. By striving to be as broad as the sea, I remain open to all possibilities - events, people, things, circumstances, and outcomes - without letting them sway me. 

Now, we come back to lesson #1: Only What I Think, Feel, Do, Say Matters 

Not something that happened in once-upon-a-time.